I adore the fact that I am from the North of England. I come from a city where “You little shit” is a term of endearment and I think that is just magnificent.
I love everything about it, from the incredible music we produce (you’re welcome) to how relaxed the way of life is. Most importantly I love the people.
I have been feeling increasingly homesick recently because of a chap from Huddersfield that came into work the other day.
It is an unwritten rule that if you are residing in the South and hear a Northern accent, you have to strike up a conversation about how you would rather repeatedly punch yourself in the face than go to Meadowhall on a Saturday, and how it is catastrophic that you can’t gage how far away you are from Sheffield since the cooling towers have been knocked down.
The conversation went as follows:
Me: Do you miss the North?
Customer: I have been here for a while now so I don’t miss it as much as I used to.
Me: Northerners are so much different though don’t you think?
Customer: Definitely. We’re special. Always remember, if anyone asks you where you are from, you are English by birth and Northern by the grace of god.”
I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since he left. As a result of this, as usual, I turned to Mr Karl Pilkington.
He always injects a little bit of northern charm into my life that I often feel I am lacking.
So I have compiled a list of his quotes to cheer anyone up who is feeling a little down. Enjoy!
“If Dracula can’t see his reflection, how come his parting’s always neat?”
“Did you know that there’s fish in the Amazon that go up your knob? Everyone is saying to me ‘You’ve seen the Amazon? That’s amazing.’ How come the stuff that lives in it doesn’t want to live in it? He’d rather live in my knob than live in the river.”
“What were them things in Gremlins called?”
“I suppose that’s a reason for having a kid. I could get some bloody fish fingers and pretend that they were for the kid.”
“I don’t understand why people take pictures of mimes. Everyone looks like a mime in a picture.”
“What I mean is. I don’t know what I mean.”
“Do you know why it’s called Mount Everest? It’s because, it’s a large mount & if you climb it, by the time you get to the top, you need to ‘ave a rest.”
“When I was told stories as a kid the pessimism was even there then ‘cos I never believed me mam when she finished a story with ‘And they all live happily ever after.’ I preferred Humpty Dumpty – nice and short, and a realistic ending. He never hurt anyone, but he had a little accident and died. Shit happens. That’s life, innit. No great life story, or love interest, just a dead egg.”