Seriously though, why have I completely neglected my “28 Tumblr Text Posts” series?
It is quite possibly one of my favourite things about this blog so I am baffled as to why I haven’t uploaded more posts like this one in what feels like aaaaages.
For those of you who don’t know how this works, It basically does exactly what it says on the tin. I scroll through Tumblr and pick out my favourite text posts and put them all into one lovely article to perk up your day. You can catch the previous 4 instalments here.
Enjoy folks, I hope you’re all having a tolerable Monday!
“I think dogs have elevator music playing in their heads at all times” – dutchster
“Sorry I can’t go to school my earphones aren’t working” – wigglytuffer
“I don’t care if you’re seven there is no way I am letting you win an Easter egg hunt, welcome to the real world jackass” – komovas
“Have you ever met a human version of a headache?” – danabdul
“‘Stop thinking about it’ wow thank you I am cured you should write a book” – stability
“Actually all of my systems are nervous” – doglets
“Am I overreacting or do I have a valid reason to feel the way I do: A novel by me” – egberts
“*Takes a second to verify my argument with Google because I’m pretty sure I know what I’m talking about but I don’t wanna get dragged*” – warpstar
“A support group for people who began using popular slang ironically but now can’t stop” – biologytextbook
“Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower” – aimematch-archive
“How many innocent cats have been lifted in the air because of The Lion King?” – ilove-you-always
“Friend requirements: 1) if I accidently put too much lotion on my hand you have to take half 2) that’s it” – geckoghost
“No we don’t use that room there was once a spider in it” – sealcat
“What even happens inside a dishwasher?” – nice-wig-janis
“Does anyone else get really excited when a dog comes up to you and sits next to you like yes I am the chosen one” – scar-mobo
“What are you supposed to do? Like in general?” – whereshadowsmakeshadows
“The average funeral costs between $7,000 – $10,000, I can’t even afford to die” – just-shower-thoughts
“How to kill an introvert: Starve him to death by putting a stranger in his kitchen.” – whatdidyousayagain
“List of words containing “meow”: meow, meowed, meowing, meows, homeowner” – macleod
“I just ate some delicious ravioli. No I didn’t. Do you see how easily lies can be spread on the internet?” – nungers
“Mosquitoes had the nerve…the audacity…the unmitigated gall…to come into my home…where I pay the bills…and suck the blood out of my veins…veins I’ve had for 22 years…” – scotty2thotty
“Do you think Skrillex does weddings” – gayleaf
“I always feel so bad when people leave me nice messages and they’re like “I’m so sorry if this is creepy” like no are you serious you’re not creepy at all have you seen my blog I’m the fucking creepiest person alive” – hateruess
“A cooking competition where people try to make an entire meal at midnight without waking their family up and whoever makes the most amazing thing without getting yelled at wins” – alrightanakin
“Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that’s your ghost outfit forever” – just-shower-thoughts
“If you’re worried that you fucked up real bad, just remember that there are over 2,500 reported cases of vacuum cleaner-induced genital trauma in the United States each year.” – kellanium
“Dog person: we have a purebred border collie with a Bernese twist Cat Person: this is Rita we love her she’s orange” – aloofshahbanou
“Paperclips are just staples with less commitment” – just-shower-thoughts