“We’re all a little weird, and life’s a little weird. And when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.” – Dr. Seuss
The other day and in true Henna style, I was in the bath (aka my office) contemplating the topic of love. More specifically, wondering if I will ever find it.
It almost feels slightly juvenile giving this topic the amount of thought that I have been recently. However the older I get, the more it begins to take up my headspace.
I am a massive contradiction when it comes to love. It has never been something that I have craved every minute of every day and I’m not the type of person to actively go on the hunt for it, not that I believe there is anything wrong with those that do. But I’d be lying if I said that the thought of not having someone to share my life with in the future doesn’t make me feel, I don’t know, a bit sad? I guess that’s human nature though isn’t it? To want to love and be loved? Yet it annoys me massively that people can’t talk about feeling this way in fear of lazily being labelled as desperate.
Think what you will, but I have adored the idea of love ever since I bought a copy of “Love Letters of Great Men” (Thank you Sex and the City for that)
That’s the type of love I want. And the dreamer in me refuses to accept that it may no longer exist. I sometimes find myself wondering if I have let too many opportunities pass me by, let alone being rather conscious that others may be thinking “Well, you let so and go”. Simultaneously, nothing has ever felt like something that I want to pursue after a certain period of time and it should feel right shouldn’t it? Why should I settle? Why should anyone have to settle?
Then we come on to the topic of having feelings for someone. That dreaded moment that consumes your entire present life and feels as though butterflies are not only fluttering in your stomach, but having a full blown dance off. That’s when you’re really fucked.
You go about your everyday life nauseously whilst doing everything in your power to maintain the highest swag levels.
It’s all too much for me. And people are coming up to me saying “Put yourself out there!” What does that even mean? “Put yourself out there” Where? Where do you want me to put myself?
I am not willing to pretend to be somebody I am not in order to find love. To me that doesn’t make sense. What’s the point in acting as though I never miss a morning rave when in reality, I never miss an episode of Planet Earth?
I can be rather anxious at the best of times so to me, it seems ridiculous to put myself in a situation that is going to completely tip me over the edge.
I want to share a recent conversation I had with my sister/life coach/mental health councillor recently. I was going off on one of my thespy monologue tangents when I said “I don’t want to participate in all of the games because it’s not my style, but I worry that I might never settle down as a result.”
She replied with something that I already knew but need to be reminded of sometimes.
“It’s not all about meeting someone. You’ve just got to be happy and when it happens it will happen. You won’t have to do anything or force anything because it will just work. As humans we over think everything we do. Especially with matters of the heart. Stop looking for answers because you’re not going to find any. There are no rules mate. How many times have I got to say it? If there were rules then we’d all be in relationships and live happily ever after wouldn’t we? Matters of the heart are too complicated for rule books. Just live your life and most of all BE HAPPY.”
I wanted to talk a little bit about this post. Originally, it wasn’t something that I want to upload. It was selfishly going to be kept for myself and put on my little shelf of work that never really makes the cut. I didn’t feel there was a massive point to it. It was just me trying to work out my own thoughts on paper. Then I realised how important it is to share things like this so that people don’t feel as though it is just them. And that’s the moral of everything really. To remember that you’re not alone in the way you feel. Whether you’re in a relationship, happily single or seeking love. There is someone out there feeling the same things that you are.
Also, if you’re beginning to think that true love doesn’t exist, watch Barack Obama address Michelle in his farewell speech. It will make even the stoniest of hearts melt. Peace out.
“As soon as you stop wanting something, you get it” – Andy Warhol