It’s always quite nerve-racking meeting your new therapist for the first time. You never quite know how it’s gonna go, you know?
The day before my appointment I received a phone call from my soon to be therapist just to confirm if I would be attending my appointment. The first thing that I noticed was a thick northern accent. My shoulders dropped. I was so happy that in the small town in Oxfordshire where I now live, there was going to be someone from around my hometown helping me get back on my feet.
Not that it’s a big deal if your therapist isn’t from your neck of the woods. It’s just that for me, familiarity goes a long way in these sorts of situations.
I arrived on the day to a semi-packed waiting room. “She’s Electric” by Oasis was playing on the radio. “It’s meant to be” I thought. All of these little things added together made me feel as though all was going to be well.
As a matter of fact, it went more than well. It was almost as if I had known her for a whole lifetime. Northerners can be a bit like that, mind.
As the conversation flowed, we got chatting about the topic of self esteem, and she said something that really hit home.
“We say things to ourselves. Things that we wouldn’t say to others because we think ‘Well I’m not hurting anybody’. When actually, we are.”
Why hadn’t I thought of that until then? Why was it ok for me to constantly put myself down as though I wasn’t good enough? I wouldn’t dream of saying that to anyone else. Even my worst enemy. I realised at that moment, I was at times, treating myself worse than I would an enemy.
I suddenly felt a need to apologise. I felt sorry for all of the times during my 26 years on this planet where I might have put myself down. Despite everything that my body, soul and mind do for me.
She went onto say that “whether you tell yourself you’re not good enough or you tell yourself that you are. It will be true.”
She also told me that she saw that written on the back of a toilet door once. What a legend.